Still

Jared realizes he may have committed to his future before resolving his past.

I am finally back with Jared’s point of view. At the beginning of writing this story, my dad died. I was already struggling with where I wanted Jared and Shani’s relationship to go, but after burying my dad, I wasn’t sure if I even cared enough to finish.

I was listening to Kehlani’s new self-titled album, and the song Still inspired Jared’s point of view. Once I was feeling better, I got back to writing!

There is also a part of the song that hits a very personal note. It’s a literal call back to a weekend in New York where my stomach was in my ass over somebody’s son. I was sharing a hotel room with an ex-friend whom I unfortunately felt unsafe sharing my feelings with, so I spent the entire weekend crying in the shower and into pillows so she wouldn’t hear me.

Don’t wait up for my call
I told you we’re good, but I’m not at all
Cause everytime i see your picture
I miss you, wanna be with you babe
Thinking about your kisses
Maybe we’ll miss this
When it’s all done
You gon’ say your sorry that you lost one
Damn you got me cryin’
In this hotel
And I got a secret that I won’t tell

Nobody
My body knows I love you
Still
And I always will

Still - Kehlani

If you haven’t already, make sure you read For Tonight. It’s Shani’s story and the first in the series. Eric is up next!

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Jared found himself driving to Shani’s apartment. He hadn’t seen or spoken to her since they’d broken up—if that was even the word. He still wasn’t sure. A year had passed. He was engaged now to an extraordinary woman, and Shani had clearly moved on as well. She had even congratulated him on his engagement. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, some last-minute confession, a declaration of love?

He loved his fiancée, he truly did, but the what-ifs still lingered. What if Shani hadn’t turned him away? What if she had loved him too? Would he be marrying Tam at all?

Tonight, the what-ifs were louder than usual. He found himself scrolling through her social media, as he had done countless times over the past year whenever he missed her, only to realize he could no longer see anything. He was blocked. Completely cut off, a door he’d always assumed was left cracked had finally been shut. He left the apartment he now shared with Tam to take a quick drive, telling himself he only needed to clear his head, but found his way to Shani’s door.

When she opened the door, her familiar scent met him. She stood there in a long satin robe, her hair pinned up, her effortless beauty making his chest tighten.

Before he could stop himself, the words spilled out, “I made a mistake.”

She didn’t move. Only a slow blink acknowledged that she had heard him at all. He searched her face, pleading quietly for her to say something.

Finally, after what felt like forever, she stepped aside and let him in.

“What am I supposed to say, Jared?” She asked immediately as the door slammed behind her.

“Say what you feel.”

A faint laugh escaped her. “I feel like it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.”

It was the truth. Her feelings did matter to him, but selfishly, he also wanted answers. If he understood why she had rejected him, maybe he could finally let her go and step fully into the life he had chosen with Tam.

He met Shani a few years earlier through friends. He was instantly attracted to her, but after only a few conversations, he realized she wouldn’t be an easy conquest like most of the women he had dated. He enjoyed spending time with beautiful women but wasn’t ready to settle down. Most of his situationships ended as quickly as they began. No matter how honest he was about his intentions, the women he dated always grew attached.

Shani called him a Good-Time Ninja—a man who enjoyed the finer things in life with a side of beautiful women. Women thought they were receiving special treatment, but they were simply the ones there at the time.

She was rarely wrong about him. She had a way of seeing right past the version of himself that he offered to everyone else. Even when they occasionally flirted, she seemed immune to his usual charm. When they finally crossed the boundary of their platonic friendship with a kiss he’d waited years for, there was no turning back. He tried to keep it casual, but the more time he spent with her, the more his restraint unraveled. He had fallen in love with her.

“What is this, Jared? Are you getting cold feet or something?” she asked, cutting into his thoughts. “Where is Tam? Does she know you’re here?” She continued, rattling off questions so quickly they felt more like accusations. “I finally move on, and here you come playing games with me!”

“This isn’t a game,” Jared said, interrupting her. “Do you really think I’d be here, possibly blowing up my life, for fun? Do you think I’d choose to stand here and face rejection again?”

“Rejection?”

“Yes, rejection,” he said, the words coming out sharper than he intended. “I told you I loved you, and you left me hanging. And now…” He trailed off, choosing his next words carefully.

He loved Tam. He did.

“And now what?” she pressed. “You’ve moved on? You’re happy?”

He opened his mouth to respond, but she continued.

“If you’re here to tell me I made a mistake, I already know that. I’ve replayed that moment in my head a thousand times. But it doesn’t matter, because there’s nothing either of us can do about it now.”

There was his answer. She loved him too.

His restraint failed him again. He pulled her into him, clasping his fingers at her waist, holding her there. He lowered his forehead on hers, and for a moment they stood in silence.

“And now I feel like I’m planning a life with the wrong person,” he finally said.

He kissed her before she could respond. Just a peck at first, giving her space to pull back in protest. She didn’t. Instead, she leaned into him, her tongue parting his lips as she kissed him back. As the distance between them disappeared, her phone rang, disrupting the moment.

“Ignore it,” Jared murmured against her lips, not wanting to let even a few inches come between them.

Shani shook her head and reached for her phone. “I can’t. I have plans. People are expecting me.” She answered the call, turning away from him as she spoke. Jared watched as she struggled to compose herself.

“Yeah, I’ll be on my way soon,” she said to the person on the other end. When the call ended, she stared at the locked screen for a moment before finally turning to him.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” she said, quiet frustration lacing through her voice.

Jared moved to close the distance between them once more.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” After a year of unanswered questions and months of pretending to move forward, he needed honesty, no matter the cost.

“I hate that we’re doing this,” she whispered.

Jared exhaled heavily. “Shani—”

“No.” She shook her head. “You are engaged. And we both need to respect that.” Her voice firmer now, as though she was trying to convince herself as much as him.

“I wish I had the courage to tell you how I felt a year ago. Part of me thought I had time.” She laughed softly at herself, lowering her gaze briefly before looking back at him.

“I was finally starting to be okay. And now you’re here, looking at me with the eyes I love so much.” Her voice cracked. “But it’s too late.”

He had no defense against that. The truth was that she was right. Maybe he should have reconciled his feelings for Shani before asking someone else to build a future with him. And now, standing in front of her, he was far less certain about the life he had committed to. It was too late. He made a choice that couldn’t be undone.

He loved Tam. He did.

They stood across from each other, neither brave enough to say what came next. Her phone vibrated on the table behind them, breaking the silence once again.

“I should go,” she said, glancing back at the screen as it danced against the tabletop.

“Yeah.” Jared felt defeated. There wasn’t much more to say. This is where their story ended.

He loved Tam. He did. And he respected Shani too much to ask her to be part of a betrayal neither of them could live with. He stepped forward and pulled her into a final embrace. They held each other for what felt like forever, neither wanting to be the first to let go.

Her phone lit up again. Over her shoulder, Jared caught the message flashing across the screen.

Eric

I need to see you again. Meet me in Miami? Send me your information, and I’ll book your flight.

Jared stared at the message for a moment, a bitter laugh threatening to escape.

Damn.